Slim 101

For those of you who thought this was a weight loss blog, I am sorry to disappoint you. But since you've traveled this far anyways (I'm amazed you made it here in the first place), my advice would be to exercise more and eat less (eating nothing but prunes will enable you do both at the same time). Rather, I'm going to take this time to introduce myself in the third person.
Nicknamed Slim to avoid confusion, Slim was born in Boston during that terrible decades of the 80s (and no city was harder hit than Boston during the 80s). Despite the cocaine, hair bands, and general awfulness of all things creative in this decade (except for the Atari, but that was Japanese anyways), Slim grew up to the refinements and educated wonders of the western world. Writing children's books by age 6, Slim was self-educated through a confluence of Sesame Street and Penguin Classics. Despite the tireless struggles of his parents to earn a meager living by auditing taxes and counseling suicide hotline callers, Slim grew up hungry, unable to put any muscle or fat on his increasingly vertical growth. Still the enlightened culture of the bright Northeast city lights enthralled and provided Slim with the environment necessary to thrive. The path towards writing a blog was already being paved during Slim's childhood. However, like all good things, this lifestyle was not meant to last.
The great yuppie onslaught on the city of Boston during the late 90s, proved too fierce for Slim's parents to endure. Like countless other refugees, Slim's house was bought for far more than it was worth by childless couples with Master's degrees and Saabs. Thus Slim was forced to flee the land of his childhood until the sub-prime mortgage crisis of 2007, when at last the yuppies realized they were in over their heads.
Slim moved on with his mother and brother to the coal barrens of Pennsylvania (later to be made famous for its undying hatred toward Hispanics and a TV show about how weird this locale really was). Slim's father, unable to leave his ancestral homeland, remained to fight in the struggle against the yuppies. It was here that Slim was to face some of his most difficult struggles. With the skyscrapers, universities, and culture replaced with shale mounds, wal-marts, and corn, Slim struggled to survive, both intellectually and metaphorically. Not much can be said about Slim during this dark time. His thoughts were occupied by cable tv, napster, and getting laid by high-school girls he was incapable of understanding. However, these times would soon come to an end. With an escape possible through the institution of post-secondary education, Slim struggled to find his way back to the great cities of the Northeast. With money both he and his father had secretly saved, Slim secured passage to Philadelphia (Boston, still being plagued by the great yuppie onslaught, was still far too dangerous and expensive) and thus sought to make for himself a better life than the one he had suffered through for four long years.
In Philadelphia, Slim found his new home. Immersed in a culture of creativity and college freshman shenanigans, he excelled academically and financially (as best a college freshman can). These for Slim were the happiest of days. Eating an abundance of the finest foods that the city had to offer in the cafeteria, drinking malt liquor, and even gaining acceptance on the prestigious track and field team, Slim made a name for himself within the bubble of the university. It was here that he also realized his true calling in life, to write blogs, though he did not yet know it.
However, this chapter too was not to last forever. With any possible reasons for staying in college any longer exhausted, Slim was forced to move on. Taking temporary jobs in the wilds of New Mexico, Slim was able to live a peaceful and humble life while he pondered what to do with his new-found independence and responsibilities. Having received news of the sub-prime mortgage crisis and of the retreat of the yuppies from his childhood homeland, Slim returned to Boston determined to make something of his life.
It is here then that we find Slim. Having no job, and a college degree, Slim at last came to his great destiny.
Before you lies the blog which has been 23 years in the making (plus 9 months in the womb). The results of such an impact on the world of anonymous people writing whatever they feel like without scrutiny or editorial oversight on the internet remains to be seen.